Have you noticed that the harder you cling to things not being a particular way, the more you tend to encounter exactly what it is you’re trying to avoid?

If you cling hard to staying safe, you get to see mostly how dangerous everything is.

If you cling hard to avoiding shame or embarrassment, every interaction becomes a possibility for being exposed.

If you cling hard to being loved by everyone, all the ways people are uncomfortable, disapproving, or withholding of affection show up for you.

The harder you cling to your resentment, the more the selfishness and hurtfulness of the person you’re resenting becomes apparent in your world.

The more closely you micromanage your team, in an attempt to have everything work out just so, the less the responsibility and creativity people can muster.

The more you insist that your colleagues, or your lover, or your children, are flawless, the more all the ways they fall short show up for you.

It’s as Tim Minchin sings in this beautiful song,

the weirdest thing is that our house
has locks to keep the baddies out
that are mostly used to lock ourselves in

Sometimes you have to let go of your insistence that the world meet you on your terms, and take life on as it actually is. And then, paradoxically, you make it possible for things to show up sometimes, amidst everything, exactly as you hoped they would.

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