Purposeful – the projects we’re committed to that we know we’re committed to. That which we feel we have chosen.
Purposive – the projects we’re committed to that we don’t know we’ve chosen, and which show up in our actions more than they show up in our minds.
Our being human is an inevitable mix of purposeful and purposive, and much of our difficulty comes from the conflicts between the two. When I’ve purposefully chosen to be a kind and loving parent, for example, at the same time as having a purposive commitment to being right, or never being criticised. Or when I’ve purposefully chosen to lead others in a way that’s wise and inclusive, alongside a purposive commitment to looking good, or being seen as perfect, or being in control.
The trouble with our purposive commitments is their invisibility to us, which so often means we take them not to exist. But it’s these very commitments that others often see most clearly.
And it’s in uncovering what’s purposive for us, through careful observation and through the loving support of others, that we have a chance of freeing ourselves up to do what we intend. And a chance of undoing the silent battle with ourselves that causes us and others so much suffering, and which has us hold back so much of what we’re here to do.