Automatic:
Cliche
Saying the same thing to the same person in the same way
All the ways we use jargon or business-speak
Predictable reactions to what you’re feeling (lashing out, withdrawing, self-criticising)
Tuning out from what’s really happening
Most of our habits
Always knowing, always being sure
Excluding certain emotions
Keeping conversation within predictable, narrow bounds
Saying “I am this way”
Responsive:
Asking “What’s needed now, here?”
Tuning in to the wholeness of the situation – with mind, emotions, bodily sensation
Relaxing your need to know what to do
Letting go of feeling safe, so that what’s needed can arise
Allowing yourself to be surprised – at yourself, at others
Feeling it all
Giving up defending, clinging on, controlling what’s happening
Doing what’s called for, rather than what ‘one does’
We easily become masterful at automatic.
And although responsive is our human heritage, for most of us mastering it takes ongoing practice because so much of what we’ve learned – at school, in work, in our families – gets in the way.
We could do well to remember that responsive – much needed in our lives – is a lifetime’s work.
